Tis the Season

"What time of year is it? Is this your favorite season? Why or why not?"

It is the HOLIDAZE. From Thanksgiving to Christmas Day, I feel rushed, guilty, and annoyed with fellow humans. I try to remember the spirit of the season, but that fades away when that rude shopper pushes past me with those must-have, last-minute Christmas items. I see how the store clerks shift uncomfortably on their feet, knowing that they've been there all day and how they would like to scream if one more person asks if they have such-and-such popular item.

On a recent Saturday afternoon, in a gift-wrapping frenzy, I felt guilty that I had so little money this year. I mean, does my dad really want another box of Turtles? I look at the charms I purchased for my sisters and sister-in-law and feel guilty for not spending more money. Some people are so hard to buy gifts for, but I did not really want to spend money on gift cards, because I always spend too much. I know it's the thought that counts, but still...

Christmas used to be my favorite holiday, but there is always a hole that cannot be filled, ever since my grandmother passed away fourteen years ago. Time dulls the pain, but it cannot completely erase the emptiness. We made new family holiday traditions; however, my memories are tinged with childhood nostalgia, when everything seemed wonderful and happy and perfect, and when Santa brought me everything I wanted, plus a few surprises.

I try to keep in the holiday spirit by listening to Christmas music and talking excitedly to my DD about the holiday—but then I make the mistake of watching the news. Seeing all the violence and strife makes me wonder if there is any point in remembering the spirit of the holiday. So, I flick off the tv, look around my living room at our festive holiday decorations, and remember that this moment is, not something I cannot control over half a world away. I wish I did not have so much empathy for things going on in the world. If I could shut it all out, I would.

But instead, I feel guilty having so much—while others have so little.

Count your blessings, whatever form they take.